Show me the way..

Now i know.. The more you want something, the more you cant get it..

Its been 8 months.. 8 months..

This precious one had been vf me for 8 months..

But it seems like i have to let it go soon..

I dont know when..but somehow.. i feel that the day is coming soon..

Im really scared..

I want to uphold this to God..

But.. i know it is hard to do so..

I wanted to obey God.. but in the same way..i want to do my will..

Im struggling rite now..

I do not know what to do and how can i do..

Because of the past.. it ruined everything...

But its my fault..My own fault..

I ruined my own life..

Not God.. Not my Family..Not my friends..

ITS ME..

I feel so pathetic right now..

There are no one that i can talk to..

Yea.there is.. but who can feel my feeling besides God..

You know what? Just now when i was lying on my bed, i felt like killing myself..

But i know.. this is not the solution..

There are no solution..

I cant turn to the left because it hurts someone..

I cant turn right because it hurts the other person..

If i walk straight, it seems like a dead end..

If i turn back, i ruin my life again..

How.. what should i do rite now..

It seems like everything that i do is wasted..

whatever i do seems like never came to successful before..

My friends think that im too dependent.. i ruin my friendship..

My family dont really believe me.. i ruin my family trust..

My beloved one suffer because of me.. i ruin my r'ship..

Im really pathetic rite now..

God.. if You were to give me a present for christmas,

Please send me back to 4 years ago so that i can change what i did that is wrong to right..

But i know.. i cant..

Please.. show me a way..